The Diary entry made by Edward Cullen right before he decided to - sparkle to death...

Dear diary,

I haven't written in a long time because I was busy stalking looking after this delicious amazing girl who smells like this delectable meal I once had when I was alive. I am also in love with her, because she smells like food is my personal brand of heroin. You see diary, when I was a little boy I used to sleep with this awesome loaf of bread that I loved to eat was in love with. Then it went stale and lost its flavour. All I wanted to do was to hug it until it decayed and crumbled in my arms. But my mother took it away. I was devastated and wanted to kill myself but, didn't know how. I was only ten diary, what does a 10 year old know about death?

Anyway, now that I am a 100 years old have been 17 for 'a while'. I have matured and am well aware of how devastating, trauma striking situations such as losing food loved ones should be handled.

I just learned from a vision that Alice had that my Bella has killed herself. My food smelling, uncoordinated, needy, clingy, love who so reminds me of that loaf of bread from my carefree youthful days. I realised then that I have absolutely no reason left to live. Now that there isn't the slightest chance for me to get a taste of her sweet smelling blood I am also going to join her, in death.

Never did I imagine for one single second that I will have to face the same devastation, I simply cannot bear it. What hurts the most is the fact that I have no way of killing myself because I'm pretty much perfectly designed for killing, not for being killed.

I am the perfect killing machine

I cannot, jump off a cliff as the impact would damage the earth by creating a crater, it might even create a Tsunami for some third world country. No I do not want innocent blood on my hand. I lived as an ethical vampire, I will die as one. I cannot drown myself as I have no need to breathe.Burning, poison, decapitation, stabbing, nothing would kill me.... I am far too perfect to die. Even nature accepts that.Even direct exposure to the sun won't harm me...

No Terminator, your bullets cannot hurt me...

My only way to die remains in the hands of the Volturi. How do I persuade them... How? Yes. I know how, as my intellectual powers are also incredibly sharp. I know that the one way that they would be provoked is by sparkling... In public. It might expose us to what we really are... fairies, lame cowardly fairies who hide under the façade of vampires.

This is the only way, I might bring disgrace to my whole species ( sparkly fairies) But I cannot live without my sweet smelling food Bella... Goodbye world. I accept death at my own ability to sparkle and shine.

Goodbye.

About LOLcats

OK, you may have guessed about my obsession with cats and all things to LOL at (there really is no excuse for not noticing). So, I decided to take a bit of time to let you know just why I Love LOLcats....!!!

Reason #3 - I Love cats

If you don't like these arrogant yet lovable and annoying yet cute little fur balls, no amount of pictures of them with entirely unrelated captions are going to make you laugh. If you have a cat, you probably know what I mean when I say that event hough they appear to be innocent and clueless (OK not clueless, it's more like utter disregard) they seem to be hiding massive amounts of inner meanness and scheming capabilities that only come out when you forget to leave food or water for them (or refuse to belly rub).

...I do, I do, it's just that...

Some people wonder what there is to love about animals that do things like, completely ignore you when you come home after a long day of work, never seem to want to play when you're in the mood, attempt to sharpen their claws on your face while you sleep and chew any important piece of cable you leave outside (OK, that only happens to me... I think). But still, what other animal has the ability to make you forget about the crappy way they treat you with one long purr, one attempt to trip you by rubbing against your feet and one look with those dilated pupils?

I iz prettier than Puss in bootz

Reason #2 - I Love funny pictures

Who doesn't? Since the cat at home only makes you laugh once in a blue moon when it has nothing better to do (which it always does by the way; sleep, eat, scratch things, sleep, clean his tail... no time to be funny when you're busy with all this), you have no choice but to check out what the internet has to offer and laugh at those pictures that were taken at the exact right moment (if not captioned with the exact right words).

see what I mean?

Reason #1 - LOLspeak

This language is perfect (or should I say purrfect) for cat captioning. Messed up grammar and typo spelling has never been this much fun (It kind of suits cats too. Since, they always make their own rules, who gives a hairball about teh grammarz tat stoopid hoomins made? purr-leasez!). As long as you don't end up writing important business letters (example: 'Therefore, I proposez tat all catz is to be givin Cheezburgerz at lunch timez') in lolspeak, a few good laughs at internet LOLcats won't do any harm.

New Glasses...

Now that I am officially a writer, that meant I would eventually ruin my eyes by staring at white, word documents at all hours of the day. So, I decided to finally get a pair of those filtering glasses to make sure that I don't go blind.

DO NOT WANT To GETZ BLIND...

Really, I don't know why kids get made fun of at school for wearing glasses. It's actually pretty awesome (unless of course, they are 1/2 an inch thick and make your eyes look four times bigger. That would just suck!).

HalP, Mai Eye! IT GROWD!

They did take a bit of time to get used to. Is it the same with everyone? I kept focusing on the frame at first. Now it's totally fine I hardly notice the frame.

I iz not Blind kitteh

And................., I get to do all sorts of cool stuff like,

1. Wipe my glasses with the little piece of cloth that comes in the case
2. Try to put on my glasses with one hand
3. Put the glasses on with both hands
4. Look at my reflection with glasses
5. Adjust my glasses
6. Push them up my nose
7. Take them off and fold up the arms
8. Open the arms
9. Holding up the lenses to see if there are any bits of dust stuck to them
10. Repeat cool glasses thing No.1 
11. Ability to liberally use the emoticon - 8-) for no apparent reason
12. Trying to focus on the little white plasticky bits (that hold the glasses on the nose) while the glasses are on
13. Trying to catch the reflected colours , while wearing the glasses
14. Actually catching the reflected colours while the glasses are off
15. Looking at my reflection and adjusting my head so that one eye is purple and the other is green
16. Move the glasses up and down my face to try and spot the glare difference.
17. Compare glasses with Chester Bennington (I have the same ones)
18. Pretend I'm all nerdy
19. Etc.

See? Who wouldn't love their computer glasses? Geeks have all the fun!

So you wanna be emo....

Nemo's depressed cousin

This article will tell you how to be emo without being labelled as a poser. Recent studies have shown that about 99.99% of so-called emo people are nothing but poser n00bs and attention whores with bad hair. So, read on if you really wanna be emo and revel in the awesomeness.

Music

yep, that's what I'm talking about

This is absolutely necessary to leave poser-dom and to enter actual emo-ness. If you don' know what a guitar pick is, the I suggest you go and join those twi-hard losers and soon over Edward Cullen the fairy. OK so you can't play a guitar if your life depended on it. write poetry that's what emo people do 'to express their inner angst'. Choose the most obscure bands you can think of (or can't think of), to increase credibility. No one would believe you if you only listen to My Chemical Romance. So catch up n00b.

Hair, make up clothes

...or their need to dress all in black

Emo music can only take you so far... oh what am I saying, it's not going to take you far at all (apart from providing topics for conversation with random emo people) unless you look the part. Got red hair? Please, that's so not emo, unless it's synthetic scarlet.

or bleached blonde

And when it comes to clothes, make sure that they are all ill fitting. What? that top fits you perfectly? oh starve yourself n00b!!! And of course you should always, always wear a bunch of bracelets and bangles (black, studded) to hide your wounds.(What? cutting yourself is mandatory... are you in or what? In? well then keep up!). And guys, you wanna be emo? borrow your little brother's jeans... those fit way too well. Your girlfriend's skinnies are also fine. (I'm surprised you have a girlfriend, considering you're supposed to be all jaded and tormented)

I iz Tormented

Saw that picture of Jenny Humphrey? yes, that should be your face from now on. Guy or girl, it's all about EYELINER. Don't worry if you're a klutz. The more smudged it is the better (like Jenny Humphrey's make up artist who thinks that the eyelid is at the bottom of the eyes). Creating hte perfect black-eye effect should be your goal. Oh, and don't forget the nail polish - black.


Emo mindset

sad... sad... sad

Ok, this is the serious part. Have you ever seen a smiling, laughing and joking emo? Of course you haven't. There's no point in dressing all in black with slashed wrists and chipped black fingernails unless you have some deep seated depression-related issue. And emos don't talk to people, they are very quiet and only express themselves through art (by themselves I mean their pain). So, keep that big mouth shut! And you have to believe that death, pain and blood solves everything. If your partner left you, cut your self and write poems in blood, if you can't fit in, cut your other wrist and bandage it... it's that simple.

I iz no poser n00bs

So I think we have everything straight. hair, make up, clothes, attitude... check!! Good! Now go and take a picture and upload it as your facebook profile. Now who's the poser????

The cat's IN the box now...

Yes this is for you, you yellow furball...

Judging by my liberal use of LOL cats on every single (almost) blog post of mine, I'm sure you can tell that I am a cat person. So of course, I have a cat at home. Used to have two, this poser right here, and my yellow, milk hungry fur ball pictured above (charmer isn't he?).

So, about this guy, he likes boxes, and bags and chairs and of course my bed. I just recently bought a pair of shoes and being the organizer I am (detect sarcasm), I ended up leaving the shoebox unattended on the floor for a little while. And came back to find this:

'WAT, It Waz Empteh!?'

As you can see, with the adept use of feline-jedi mind powers, he managed to squeeze in to a box half his size. 

'I CAN has diz box!'

He's been sleeping in it for three days now (the box looks more like a basin now). At least it keeps him off my bed, and away from my cables (he likes cables, important and expensive cables)

TTFN