So you wanna be emo....

Nemo's depressed cousin

This article will tell you how to be emo without being labelled as a poser. Recent studies have shown that about 99.99% of so-called emo people are nothing but poser n00bs and attention whores with bad hair. So, read on if you really wanna be emo and revel in the awesomeness.

Music

yep, that's what I'm talking about

This is absolutely necessary to leave poser-dom and to enter actual emo-ness. If you don' know what a guitar pick is, the I suggest you go and join those twi-hard losers and soon over Edward Cullen the fairy. OK so you can't play a guitar if your life depended on it. write poetry that's what emo people do 'to express their inner angst'. Choose the most obscure bands you can think of (or can't think of), to increase credibility. No one would believe you if you only listen to My Chemical Romance. So catch up n00b.

Hair, make up clothes

...or their need to dress all in black

Emo music can only take you so far... oh what am I saying, it's not going to take you far at all (apart from providing topics for conversation with random emo people) unless you look the part. Got red hair? Please, that's so not emo, unless it's synthetic scarlet.

or bleached blonde

And when it comes to clothes, make sure that they are all ill fitting. What? that top fits you perfectly? oh starve yourself n00b!!! And of course you should always, always wear a bunch of bracelets and bangles (black, studded) to hide your wounds.(What? cutting yourself is mandatory... are you in or what? In? well then keep up!). And guys, you wanna be emo? borrow your little brother's jeans... those fit way too well. Your girlfriend's skinnies are also fine. (I'm surprised you have a girlfriend, considering you're supposed to be all jaded and tormented)

I iz Tormented

Saw that picture of Jenny Humphrey? yes, that should be your face from now on. Guy or girl, it's all about EYELINER. Don't worry if you're a klutz. The more smudged it is the better (like Jenny Humphrey's make up artist who thinks that the eyelid is at the bottom of the eyes). Creating hte perfect black-eye effect should be your goal. Oh, and don't forget the nail polish - black.


Emo mindset

sad... sad... sad

Ok, this is the serious part. Have you ever seen a smiling, laughing and joking emo? Of course you haven't. There's no point in dressing all in black with slashed wrists and chipped black fingernails unless you have some deep seated depression-related issue. And emos don't talk to people, they are very quiet and only express themselves through art (by themselves I mean their pain). So, keep that big mouth shut! And you have to believe that death, pain and blood solves everything. If your partner left you, cut your self and write poems in blood, if you can't fit in, cut your other wrist and bandage it... it's that simple.

I iz no poser n00bs

So I think we have everything straight. hair, make up, clothes, attitude... check!! Good! Now go and take a picture and upload it as your facebook profile. Now who's the poser????