Losing my phone and other disasters

I lost my phone! It happened two weeks ago and I was trying to find it using all the ways of phone tracking available to mankind and well, now I’m an expert on tracking lost mobile phones. And no, I am yet to find any trace of my lost phone.

Anyway, since no one cares of lost Nokia phones with their last decade Symbian OS, I am so sorry that I can’t help you previous Nokia owners. But, I definitely can help Android users (Because I was one) and iOS users (Because everyone else who isn’t using Android is an iOS user).

I learned to always install tracker software...

Whether it’s an iPhone or an Android, the first step is to actually tighten the security on your phone. I did this on Android by installing that ‘draw pattern to unlock’ things (and failed by not bothering to install a phone tracking app such as… well the Android market is flooded with all kinds of Android tracking apps, close your eyes, pick one and READ THE REVIEWS before you install it!). For iPhone users, there are apps such as Find My iPhone, Mobile Spy and iHound. What you have to do is to simply install one of these and track the location of your phone via GPS. In addition, you can lock the phone, wipe all important data and make your phone perform some crazy antics until you get your hands on it.

That's my phone you're listening to...

For android users who, like moi, have failed to install a tracking app before hand, there is an application called Plan B. This is literally the plan B if you misplaced your phone. All you have to do is to make sure that you send a message with the text “Locate” to your phone and it will start the magic.

Blackberries? I have no idea... oh here's one - DON'T LOSE IT!

As for hopeless ones like me, there is the IEMI tracking method to rely on. This means police. And believe me I went there and I don’t’ want to talk about it. Ever. Anyway, this site, track IEMI is great to report your stolen mobile in case someone wishes to check if they have come across a stolen one (this works for all you Symbian users too. So you can thank me later Ex-Nokia parents!)

...until December!

A Useful link for iPhone fans with Network issues:

iPhone unlock

Why Mopeds are fun

Public transport has its annoyances and inconveniences. Everyone who knows what I’m talking about would applaud when I say that I would much rather walk. But what about these mopeds? I saw a guy riding down on one of these and I am filled with envy. The bike was incredibly cute and it seemed to be in control of the traffic while I stared (with my lime green face) out of the bus window.

How awesome is that?

So, Let's see if I should get myself a Moped.

1. They are so cute!

2. I'm kind of small, so a moped would be the least intimidating bike for me.

3. OMG they are so cute!

4. No insane bike skills needed. I can keep a bicycle straight. With some practice, I'll probably be able to pull off the one of these as well.

Totally!

5. In most countries, you are not necessarily expected to have a license to drive a moped since most models drive under  50kmph. (too slow? well, I'll be preventing situations like the one pictured below by two lolcats)

Totally Not!

6. They are inexpensive and easy to maintain. Awesome.

7. Did I say how cute mopeds are? oh, I did. Well, they are cute! 

8. Fuel efficiency. Great for people who are concerned about leaving massive carbon footprints.

9. I can finally understand what Blair Waldorf meant when she said ' Riding around in vespas while wearing the cute outfits'. (Gossip Girl Season 3 Finale)

10. They'll last ages if you can maintain them properly and use good spare parts when needed. 

That's it. This is reason enough for me to get my hands on a moped. Good bye public transportation, brawling babies, huge bags and creepy seat mates! Hello Moped! 

A useful source to help keep you moped in good health.

Moped parts

My wish list.... forever

No there is no special event coming up. But, I just thought I'll post some of my nearly unattainable, materialistic wish list for all of you to see because I feel like it ;-3

1. A grand piano

I love pianos. I know they take a up a lot of space, a massive investment and an equally massive amount on maintenance but still, a grand piano would just be grand. Plus, I love to play!!!

2. To fatten up my cat

My cat loves to eat. Unfortunately, he is one of those cats who don't actually gain a lot of weight no matter what I feed him. He has however managed to learn to give some fantastic looking scowls that are completely unreasonable in return for all the food I put in his belly.

3. A dog

I know I may look like a cat person (actually I am a cat person), I wouldn't mind a pet who would look at me with adoring eyes for a change( you know as opposed to that shrivelled up scowl the cat always gives you). Sure, cats are fluffy and well, fluffy, dogs are the one species of pets that I know to be genuinely pleased to play with us.

4. Gadgets

I love gadgets. For now, My wishlist consists of a decent tablet, a smarter phone ( my phone calls itself smart, I'm not too convinced) and maybe one of those waterproof TVs. I know that bathtubs don't actually fit in to the category of gadgets but, What I would really like is very large bathtub and a TV in the bathroom (which is the one place I wouldn't dare to take my TV or books in to). I've looked at a few and found that the fact that most of them double up as mirrors and that is just awesome :-D

5. Wooden floors

They are well known to be expensive enough to cripple a designer's budget, not exactly environmentally friendly and to be painful to maintain. But, they are also known to be elegant, classy and comfortable as opposed to all other types of floors. Plus, a wooden floor would go perfectly well with my grand piano.

Well, that's my materialistic wish list for today. I also have an achievement wish list coming up later so, keep your fingers crossed for that one.

A useful link

Waterproof TV

This is a RANT! - 3 Types of Annoying people you meet everyday

I really needed to vent out and post a rant about all the things that annoy me to death. So, here it is.

Number 1 - People with heads that are large enough to be Helium balloons.

... full of hot gas

You know what I'm talking about. There are those people who are intent on making a point of just how smart/busy/awesome they are (when clearly, they aren't). How to spot one of these morons? Easy. All you have to do is ask a simple question and they will give you a complete recap of their life and achievements.

Example

you - "Hey dude, how are you doing? I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck."
Annoying bigheaded person - "Really? I feel great. You know despite the fact that I took a power walk through Death valley after work on Friday and then wrote my entire life's memoirs on my Android phone and while beating my computer in chess, level 9 of course."
Your mind -WTF? (your face - O_o )

...surviving w/out brains, worse

These people are self absorbed idiots who think that they are better than everybody else and will try to impress (cough *show off *cough) their -often times lame - achievements.

How to be rid of them - sadly, man is yet to invent a successful method of deflating overly inflated brainless heads without resorting to murder. This means that you are entirely up to your own devices. Instead of trying to one-up them, you should nod at the appropriate places and try your best to avoid talking/texting/chatting/messaging with these people at all costs. They're on your Facebook? Well then you're screwed.

Number 2 - The annoying fat people in buses (not the regular ones)

yeah, right

I am one of those unfortunate souls who has to bus-it to and from work everyday. This puts me (sadly) in close proximity with these obese morons. My problem is when I am unfortunate enough to share a seat with one of these people, I end up clinging to dear life and praying that the bus won't move too much because apparently, the large person next to me has decided to fall asleep/ place their size-appropriate bag next to them (taking up even more space)/ or act totally pervy or smell to the heavens. Seriously, there should be a size limit to people who are allowed to sit in buses (or stand... oh what the hell, they should totally walk, they need the exercise). And then there are the ones who walk reeeeeeallly slowly on narrow aisles blocking your progress and wasting your life.

How to spot them - Well duh, that mountain of jiggling flesh tottering towards you or spilled on the one available seat on the bus is one of these creeps. Male or female, they are everywhere.

Good luck with that Fatso!

How to avoid one - Well, unless the government imposes a maximum weight/circumference limit on people, fatties will continue to live on and annoy you to death. Try to keep out of their way and go on a diet to avoid becoming one of them yourself.

Number 3 - Stalkers

:-s

Ever since the birth of social networking, the art of stalking has been taken to a whole new level. Stalking used to be something that required immense stealth and planning as it was mostly carried out in person. (You know like that fairy, Edward Cullen) But now, thanks to Mr. Sucker-berg, we have to try our best to keep these creeps from viewing our pictures on Facebook.But they don't just stop at looking. They also like to poke, friend request, message and add our friends too. This is so damn annoying when you find a whole bunch of unknown weirdos messaging and poking you at all odd hours of the day. Seriously, just because you have a picture of some cute guy you found out on the internet, that does not give you the right to poke anyone (mainly 'cause you are NOT that cute guy).

As for the traditional stalker-types, they still do exist. As a result of being a poor soul who has to bus-it, I run in to these in the flesh quite a lot.

You might want to stop leaving your profile open. Your cat might take pity and, you know the rest!

How to spot one - Easy, all the random creeps who try and add you on Facebook are stalkers to some degree. It is best to avoid them like the plague. But, there are those who take stalking to a whole new level. Like, messaging, poking and adding your friends (the dumb ones who would add anything that can click the "add as a friend" button). If you have decided to add one of these creeps by accident, or out of pity then be warned as they will bombard your statuses with their lame comments. So, if you're adding them, do so at your own risk.

The traditional ones are hard to miss. They stare at you, unabashedly, like they've never seen another human being before. And will try to strike a conversation or smile with you or worse, persuade you to call them.

How to avoid one - Easy, don't add them. If they keep annoying you, block them or, be nasty and report them so that Sucker-berg's army of minions can deal with them.

Avoiding the traditional ones is a bit tricky. You might want to tell them to back off or remove yourself from the situation to avoid them. But in reality, they'll be a pain throughout the entire bus ride. Enjoy.

Well, that's all for now. Ah, it feels good after a rant :D

Day I has rantz. Teehee

How to give a gift without earning disappointment

Serious topic isn't it? Well, it is. Most people really don't know how to give a good gift. I have received gifts that range from mildly disappointing to downright crappy. For instance, I once received a shirt... not bad? Ha, it was at least two sizes too small (the only things that are too small for me are, well, found in the kids' section) classification, mildly disappointing... Then I received a pair of shoes that resembled this,

I can picture your expression. Now picture this in white....

While Lady GaGa would have accepted them gladly and even (shudder) worn them. The ones I got are locked away in a deep, dark corner of my closet. Where even my cat couldn't find them (even he didn't try to sharpen his claws on them *sad*)

yeah, well, you don't look so bangin' either... humph

What I'm trying to say is, you can't just dump the stuff that's lying around your house on to someone who is celebrating a special occasion. OK, let me rephrase that.. how would you like to receive my clog-shoes on your next birthday? *evil smile*

give.clogs.away.

Before you start shopping, spend at least ten minutes trying to find out what your recipient would like to receive. You can try asking them... but the conversation would go something along the lines of this;

You- so what do you want for your birthday.
Recipient - Oh, nothing, Thanks for asking.
You- oh, come on, I really have no idea what to buy you... small hint??
Recipient - Really, I don't want ANYTHING from you... come to my party!!
You - uh.....

Wha....!?

This conversation honestly makes no sense. No one in their right minds would throw a birthday party without expecting at least a balloon as a gift. A mind reader *hint- E. Cullen *would know in an instant what your recipient is trying to say, subconsciously. (unless of course, its B. Swann) So the conversation would go something like this,

You- so what do you want for your birthday.

Recipient's screaming mind - Oh, god I want that new perfume by YSL, or a netbook, or that new panasonic plasma TV.. wait wait, no, I want a Birkin bag.

Your mind - 'crap!'

twitch, twitch...

So unless you are supernaturally gifted like our sparkly friend, you may wan't to go undercover and use all the available sources of information to find out the what they might actually enjoy. There really is no excuse to gift some one 'clogs' when you have access to their preferences on the internet (hello blogger, myspace, facebook and twitter). Or you can ask their other friends,  the ones who won't blab of course.

If you live far, far away from the recipient that doesn't mean you are allowed to forget all about their special occasions. With all these delivery companies around, you won't have an excuse to not send a gift. They're pretty cheap too, so you won't have to spend extra. (If you still think 'distance' is a barrier to give the perfect gift, then you're even cheaper than the delivery service providers, I'm just sayin')

I wouldn't mind one of these myself

And make sure that you keep things well timed. No one would want to receive their birthday present months after their actual birthday (and probably in time for their next birthday).

mind- ZOMG, just what I expected muahahahaha

Believe, me giving a gift is as simple as that. Find out what they want, buy it, wrap it up and they would actually love it. And yes, Karma works, you will also receive a considerate, well thought about gifts in return.

:)

Useful link to help you send those meticulously selected gifts to your friends

Delivery companies

The Diary entry made by Edward Cullen right before he decided to - sparkle to death...

Dear diary,

I haven't written in a long time because I was busy stalking looking after this delicious amazing girl who smells like this delectable meal I once had when I was alive. I am also in love with her, because she smells like food is my personal brand of heroin. You see diary, when I was a little boy I used to sleep with this awesome loaf of bread that I loved to eat was in love with. Then it went stale and lost its flavour. All I wanted to do was to hug it until it decayed and crumbled in my arms. But my mother took it away. I was devastated and wanted to kill myself but, didn't know how. I was only ten diary, what does a 10 year old know about death?

Anyway, now that I am a 100 years old have been 17 for 'a while'. I have matured and am well aware of how devastating, trauma striking situations such as losing food loved ones should be handled.

I just learned from a vision that Alice had that my Bella has killed herself. My food smelling, uncoordinated, needy, clingy, love who so reminds me of that loaf of bread from my carefree youthful days. I realised then that I have absolutely no reason left to live. Now that there isn't the slightest chance for me to get a taste of her sweet smelling blood I am also going to join her, in death.

Never did I imagine for one single second that I will have to face the same devastation, I simply cannot bear it. What hurts the most is the fact that I have no way of killing myself because I'm pretty much perfectly designed for killing, not for being killed.

I am the perfect killing machine

I cannot, jump off a cliff as the impact would damage the earth by creating a crater, it might even create a Tsunami for some third world country. No I do not want innocent blood on my hand. I lived as an ethical vampire, I will die as one. I cannot drown myself as I have no need to breathe.Burning, poison, decapitation, stabbing, nothing would kill me.... I am far too perfect to die. Even nature accepts that.Even direct exposure to the sun won't harm me...

No Terminator, your bullets cannot hurt me...

My only way to die remains in the hands of the Volturi. How do I persuade them... How? Yes. I know how, as my intellectual powers are also incredibly sharp. I know that the one way that they would be provoked is by sparkling... In public. It might expose us to what we really are... fairies, lame cowardly fairies who hide under the façade of vampires.

This is the only way, I might bring disgrace to my whole species ( sparkly fairies) But I cannot live without my sweet smelling food Bella... Goodbye world. I accept death at my own ability to sparkle and shine.

Goodbye.

About LOLcats

OK, you may have guessed about my obsession with cats and all things to LOL at (there really is no excuse for not noticing). So, I decided to take a bit of time to let you know just why I Love LOLcats....!!!

Reason #3 - I Love cats

If you don't like these arrogant yet lovable and annoying yet cute little fur balls, no amount of pictures of them with entirely unrelated captions are going to make you laugh. If you have a cat, you probably know what I mean when I say that event hough they appear to be innocent and clueless (OK not clueless, it's more like utter disregard) they seem to be hiding massive amounts of inner meanness and scheming capabilities that only come out when you forget to leave food or water for them (or refuse to belly rub).

...I do, I do, it's just that...

Some people wonder what there is to love about animals that do things like, completely ignore you when you come home after a long day of work, never seem to want to play when you're in the mood, attempt to sharpen their claws on your face while you sleep and chew any important piece of cable you leave outside (OK, that only happens to me... I think). But still, what other animal has the ability to make you forget about the crappy way they treat you with one long purr, one attempt to trip you by rubbing against your feet and one look with those dilated pupils?

I iz prettier than Puss in bootz

Reason #2 - I Love funny pictures

Who doesn't? Since the cat at home only makes you laugh once in a blue moon when it has nothing better to do (which it always does by the way; sleep, eat, scratch things, sleep, clean his tail... no time to be funny when you're busy with all this), you have no choice but to check out what the internet has to offer and laugh at those pictures that were taken at the exact right moment (if not captioned with the exact right words).

see what I mean?

Reason #1 - LOLspeak

This language is perfect (or should I say purrfect) for cat captioning. Messed up grammar and typo spelling has never been this much fun (It kind of suits cats too. Since, they always make their own rules, who gives a hairball about teh grammarz tat stoopid hoomins made? purr-leasez!). As long as you don't end up writing important business letters (example: 'Therefore, I proposez tat all catz is to be givin Cheezburgerz at lunch timez') in lolspeak, a few good laughs at internet LOLcats won't do any harm.

New Glasses...

Now that I am officially a writer, that meant I would eventually ruin my eyes by staring at white, word documents at all hours of the day. So, I decided to finally get a pair of those filtering glasses to make sure that I don't go blind.

DO NOT WANT To GETZ BLIND...

Really, I don't know why kids get made fun of at school for wearing glasses. It's actually pretty awesome (unless of course, they are 1/2 an inch thick and make your eyes look four times bigger. That would just suck!).

HalP, Mai Eye! IT GROWD!

They did take a bit of time to get used to. Is it the same with everyone? I kept focusing on the frame at first. Now it's totally fine I hardly notice the frame.

I iz not Blind kitteh

And................., I get to do all sorts of cool stuff like,

1. Wipe my glasses with the little piece of cloth that comes in the case
2. Try to put on my glasses with one hand
3. Put the glasses on with both hands
4. Look at my reflection with glasses
5. Adjust my glasses
6. Push them up my nose
7. Take them off and fold up the arms
8. Open the arms
9. Holding up the lenses to see if there are any bits of dust stuck to them
10. Repeat cool glasses thing No.1 
11. Ability to liberally use the emoticon - 8-) for no apparent reason
12. Trying to focus on the little white plasticky bits (that hold the glasses on the nose) while the glasses are on
13. Trying to catch the reflected colours , while wearing the glasses
14. Actually catching the reflected colours while the glasses are off
15. Looking at my reflection and adjusting my head so that one eye is purple and the other is green
16. Move the glasses up and down my face to try and spot the glare difference.
17. Compare glasses with Chester Bennington (I have the same ones)
18. Pretend I'm all nerdy
19. Etc.

See? Who wouldn't love their computer glasses? Geeks have all the fun!

So you wanna be emo....

Nemo's depressed cousin

This article will tell you how to be emo without being labelled as a poser. Recent studies have shown that about 99.99% of so-called emo people are nothing but poser n00bs and attention whores with bad hair. So, read on if you really wanna be emo and revel in the awesomeness.

Music

yep, that's what I'm talking about

This is absolutely necessary to leave poser-dom and to enter actual emo-ness. If you don' know what a guitar pick is, the I suggest you go and join those twi-hard losers and soon over Edward Cullen the fairy. OK so you can't play a guitar if your life depended on it. write poetry that's what emo people do 'to express their inner angst'. Choose the most obscure bands you can think of (or can't think of), to increase credibility. No one would believe you if you only listen to My Chemical Romance. So catch up n00b.

Hair, make up clothes

...or their need to dress all in black

Emo music can only take you so far... oh what am I saying, it's not going to take you far at all (apart from providing topics for conversation with random emo people) unless you look the part. Got red hair? Please, that's so not emo, unless it's synthetic scarlet.

or bleached blonde

And when it comes to clothes, make sure that they are all ill fitting. What? that top fits you perfectly? oh starve yourself n00b!!! And of course you should always, always wear a bunch of bracelets and bangles (black, studded) to hide your wounds.(What? cutting yourself is mandatory... are you in or what? In? well then keep up!). And guys, you wanna be emo? borrow your little brother's jeans... those fit way too well. Your girlfriend's skinnies are also fine. (I'm surprised you have a girlfriend, considering you're supposed to be all jaded and tormented)

I iz Tormented

Saw that picture of Jenny Humphrey? yes, that should be your face from now on. Guy or girl, it's all about EYELINER. Don't worry if you're a klutz. The more smudged it is the better (like Jenny Humphrey's make up artist who thinks that the eyelid is at the bottom of the eyes). Creating hte perfect black-eye effect should be your goal. Oh, and don't forget the nail polish - black.


Emo mindset

sad... sad... sad

Ok, this is the serious part. Have you ever seen a smiling, laughing and joking emo? Of course you haven't. There's no point in dressing all in black with slashed wrists and chipped black fingernails unless you have some deep seated depression-related issue. And emos don't talk to people, they are very quiet and only express themselves through art (by themselves I mean their pain). So, keep that big mouth shut! And you have to believe that death, pain and blood solves everything. If your partner left you, cut your self and write poems in blood, if you can't fit in, cut your other wrist and bandage it... it's that simple.

I iz no poser n00bs

So I think we have everything straight. hair, make up, clothes, attitude... check!! Good! Now go and take a picture and upload it as your facebook profile. Now who's the poser????

The cat's IN the box now...

Yes this is for you, you yellow furball...

Judging by my liberal use of LOL cats on every single (almost) blog post of mine, I'm sure you can tell that I am a cat person. So of course, I have a cat at home. Used to have two, this poser right here, and my yellow, milk hungry fur ball pictured above (charmer isn't he?).

So, about this guy, he likes boxes, and bags and chairs and of course my bed. I just recently bought a pair of shoes and being the organizer I am (detect sarcasm), I ended up leaving the shoebox unattended on the floor for a little while. And came back to find this:

'WAT, It Waz Empteh!?'

As you can see, with the adept use of feline-jedi mind powers, he managed to squeeze in to a box half his size. 

'I CAN has diz box!'

He's been sleeping in it for three days now (the box looks more like a basin now). At least it keeps him off my bed, and away from my cables (he likes cables, important and expensive cables)

TTFN

STFU inner critic...! and GTFO inner sloth...!

I mean it!!!!

Ever heard of writer's block? Most of the time we complain about not being inspired. But the true problem may be anything from succumbing to your inner sloth or paying too much attention to the inner critic. Think of these two as the good angel sitting on your right shoulder and the devil sitting on your left and they each try and get you to do what they want. In the case of writer's block, the sloth is hanging on your left, trying to drag you down to bed and the inner critic whispers nasty things about your work in your right ear. 

Ignore them both and do whatever you want...

If you need to get good at what you do, you need to do what you can to shut both of these creeps up. For good. 

See, the inner sloth likes to point out enticing things like food, bed, internet LOL-cats, and other things that will distract and slow you down. 

The inner critic is not as nice and generous, this jerk tells you things like 'Dude, your writing sucks' or 'WTF dude, that's the best line you can come up with?' or 'you call this writing?... tee hee N00B!' or make you do crazy s**t like cutting off your ear (like that Van Gogh fellow). 

'cut off important body part' it said...

What can you do to shut these morons up? Well, you could start by taking a break. You honestly can't create anything when that critic-creep makes criticizing comments about whatever crap you do, you might as well get out of earshot. But don't take a break for too long because then the sloth is going to think that you are in need of sleep or other pointless recreational activity (he just doesn't get the limit, that one).  Take a well earned break and then come back stronger and tell the both of them to go fluff themselves and start writing. 

OYES U DID!

Sometimes that just might not be enough. The critic n the sloth bay both be shut up effectively but, what if you really aren't inspired? (That would be a bummer, weren't you gonna write the next 'Twilight'?...tee hee!'  Hey, I thought I told you to STFU!) 

Without sparkles...

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, lack of inspiration, that could only be cured in time or by drastic change. You could take a vacation and recharge those writer cells and come home with a masterpiece outlined. Or you get out, out of your neighbourhood and move to zombieland... I mean somewhere else, with new things to look at.. oh heck, pack up and go to zombieland (you could write the next......wait, I think that's new!) 

sound's catchy...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we don't have to lose to these two creeps. Ignore them and keep doing what you feel is right. I'm sure that J.K. Rowling didn't have a little voice in her head saying 'Srsly?' each time she came up with something out of this world. The woman's richer than the queen because she knew how to say STFU to the inner critic and keep writing. I suggest the rest of you do the same!!!