This is a RANT! - 3 Types of Annoying people you meet everyday

I really needed to vent out and post a rant about all the things that annoy me to death. So, here it is.

Number 1 - People with heads that are large enough to be Helium balloons.

... full of hot gas

You know what I'm talking about. There are those people who are intent on making a point of just how smart/busy/awesome they are (when clearly, they aren't). How to spot one of these morons? Easy. All you have to do is ask a simple question and they will give you a complete recap of their life and achievements.

Example

you - "Hey dude, how are you doing? I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck."
Annoying bigheaded person - "Really? I feel great. You know despite the fact that I took a power walk through Death valley after work on Friday and then wrote my entire life's memoirs on my Android phone and while beating my computer in chess, level 9 of course."
Your mind -WTF? (your face - O_o )

...surviving w/out brains, worse

These people are self absorbed idiots who think that they are better than everybody else and will try to impress (cough *show off *cough) their -often times lame - achievements.

How to be rid of them - sadly, man is yet to invent a successful method of deflating overly inflated brainless heads without resorting to murder. This means that you are entirely up to your own devices. Instead of trying to one-up them, you should nod at the appropriate places and try your best to avoid talking/texting/chatting/messaging with these people at all costs. They're on your Facebook? Well then you're screwed.

Number 2 - The annoying fat people in buses (not the regular ones)

yeah, right

I am one of those unfortunate souls who has to bus-it to and from work everyday. This puts me (sadly) in close proximity with these obese morons. My problem is when I am unfortunate enough to share a seat with one of these people, I end up clinging to dear life and praying that the bus won't move too much because apparently, the large person next to me has decided to fall asleep/ place their size-appropriate bag next to them (taking up even more space)/ or act totally pervy or smell to the heavens. Seriously, there should be a size limit to people who are allowed to sit in buses (or stand... oh what the hell, they should totally walk, they need the exercise). And then there are the ones who walk reeeeeeallly slowly on narrow aisles blocking your progress and wasting your life.

How to spot them - Well duh, that mountain of jiggling flesh tottering towards you or spilled on the one available seat on the bus is one of these creeps. Male or female, they are everywhere.

Good luck with that Fatso!

How to avoid one - Well, unless the government imposes a maximum weight/circumference limit on people, fatties will continue to live on and annoy you to death. Try to keep out of their way and go on a diet to avoid becoming one of them yourself.

Number 3 - Stalkers

:-s

Ever since the birth of social networking, the art of stalking has been taken to a whole new level. Stalking used to be something that required immense stealth and planning as it was mostly carried out in person. (You know like that fairy, Edward Cullen) But now, thanks to Mr. Sucker-berg, we have to try our best to keep these creeps from viewing our pictures on Facebook.But they don't just stop at looking. They also like to poke, friend request, message and add our friends too. This is so damn annoying when you find a whole bunch of unknown weirdos messaging and poking you at all odd hours of the day. Seriously, just because you have a picture of some cute guy you found out on the internet, that does not give you the right to poke anyone (mainly 'cause you are NOT that cute guy).

As for the traditional stalker-types, they still do exist. As a result of being a poor soul who has to bus-it, I run in to these in the flesh quite a lot.

You might want to stop leaving your profile open. Your cat might take pity and, you know the rest!

How to spot one - Easy, all the random creeps who try and add you on Facebook are stalkers to some degree. It is best to avoid them like the plague. But, there are those who take stalking to a whole new level. Like, messaging, poking and adding your friends (the dumb ones who would add anything that can click the "add as a friend" button). If you have decided to add one of these creeps by accident, or out of pity then be warned as they will bombard your statuses with their lame comments. So, if you're adding them, do so at your own risk.

The traditional ones are hard to miss. They stare at you, unabashedly, like they've never seen another human being before. And will try to strike a conversation or smile with you or worse, persuade you to call them.

How to avoid one - Easy, don't add them. If they keep annoying you, block them or, be nasty and report them so that Sucker-berg's army of minions can deal with them.

Avoiding the traditional ones is a bit tricky. You might want to tell them to back off or remove yourself from the situation to avoid them. But in reality, they'll be a pain throughout the entire bus ride. Enjoy.

Well, that's all for now. Ah, it feels good after a rant :D

Day I has rantz. Teehee

How to give a gift without earning disappointment

Serious topic isn't it? Well, it is. Most people really don't know how to give a good gift. I have received gifts that range from mildly disappointing to downright crappy. For instance, I once received a shirt... not bad? Ha, it was at least two sizes too small (the only things that are too small for me are, well, found in the kids' section) classification, mildly disappointing... Then I received a pair of shoes that resembled this,

I can picture your expression. Now picture this in white....

While Lady GaGa would have accepted them gladly and even (shudder) worn them. The ones I got are locked away in a deep, dark corner of my closet. Where even my cat couldn't find them (even he didn't try to sharpen his claws on them *sad*)

yeah, well, you don't look so bangin' either... humph

What I'm trying to say is, you can't just dump the stuff that's lying around your house on to someone who is celebrating a special occasion. OK, let me rephrase that.. how would you like to receive my clog-shoes on your next birthday? *evil smile*

give.clogs.away.

Before you start shopping, spend at least ten minutes trying to find out what your recipient would like to receive. You can try asking them... but the conversation would go something along the lines of this;

You- so what do you want for your birthday.
Recipient - Oh, nothing, Thanks for asking.
You- oh, come on, I really have no idea what to buy you... small hint??
Recipient - Really, I don't want ANYTHING from you... come to my party!!
You - uh.....

Wha....!?

This conversation honestly makes no sense. No one in their right minds would throw a birthday party without expecting at least a balloon as a gift. A mind reader *hint- E. Cullen *would know in an instant what your recipient is trying to say, subconsciously. (unless of course, its B. Swann) So the conversation would go something like this,

You- so what do you want for your birthday.

Recipient's screaming mind - Oh, god I want that new perfume by YSL, or a netbook, or that new panasonic plasma TV.. wait wait, no, I want a Birkin bag.

Your mind - 'crap!'

twitch, twitch...

So unless you are supernaturally gifted like our sparkly friend, you may wan't to go undercover and use all the available sources of information to find out the what they might actually enjoy. There really is no excuse to gift some one 'clogs' when you have access to their preferences on the internet (hello blogger, myspace, facebook and twitter). Or you can ask their other friends,  the ones who won't blab of course.

If you live far, far away from the recipient that doesn't mean you are allowed to forget all about their special occasions. With all these delivery companies around, you won't have an excuse to not send a gift. They're pretty cheap too, so you won't have to spend extra. (If you still think 'distance' is a barrier to give the perfect gift, then you're even cheaper than the delivery service providers, I'm just sayin')

I wouldn't mind one of these myself

And make sure that you keep things well timed. No one would want to receive their birthday present months after their actual birthday (and probably in time for their next birthday).

mind- ZOMG, just what I expected muahahahaha

Believe, me giving a gift is as simple as that. Find out what they want, buy it, wrap it up and they would actually love it. And yes, Karma works, you will also receive a considerate, well thought about gifts in return.

:)

Useful link to help you send those meticulously selected gifts to your friends

Delivery companies

The Diary entry made by Edward Cullen right before he decided to - sparkle to death...

Dear diary,

I haven't written in a long time because I was busy stalking looking after this delicious amazing girl who smells like this delectable meal I once had when I was alive. I am also in love with her, because she smells like food is my personal brand of heroin. You see diary, when I was a little boy I used to sleep with this awesome loaf of bread that I loved to eat was in love with. Then it went stale and lost its flavour. All I wanted to do was to hug it until it decayed and crumbled in my arms. But my mother took it away. I was devastated and wanted to kill myself but, didn't know how. I was only ten diary, what does a 10 year old know about death?

Anyway, now that I am a 100 years old have been 17 for 'a while'. I have matured and am well aware of how devastating, trauma striking situations such as losing food loved ones should be handled.

I just learned from a vision that Alice had that my Bella has killed herself. My food smelling, uncoordinated, needy, clingy, love who so reminds me of that loaf of bread from my carefree youthful days. I realised then that I have absolutely no reason left to live. Now that there isn't the slightest chance for me to get a taste of her sweet smelling blood I am also going to join her, in death.

Never did I imagine for one single second that I will have to face the same devastation, I simply cannot bear it. What hurts the most is the fact that I have no way of killing myself because I'm pretty much perfectly designed for killing, not for being killed.

I am the perfect killing machine

I cannot, jump off a cliff as the impact would damage the earth by creating a crater, it might even create a Tsunami for some third world country. No I do not want innocent blood on my hand. I lived as an ethical vampire, I will die as one. I cannot drown myself as I have no need to breathe.Burning, poison, decapitation, stabbing, nothing would kill me.... I am far too perfect to die. Even nature accepts that.Even direct exposure to the sun won't harm me...

No Terminator, your bullets cannot hurt me...

My only way to die remains in the hands of the Volturi. How do I persuade them... How? Yes. I know how, as my intellectual powers are also incredibly sharp. I know that the one way that they would be provoked is by sparkling... In public. It might expose us to what we really are... fairies, lame cowardly fairies who hide under the façade of vampires.

This is the only way, I might bring disgrace to my whole species ( sparkly fairies) But I cannot live without my sweet smelling food Bella... Goodbye world. I accept death at my own ability to sparkle and shine.

Goodbye.

So you wanna be emo....

Nemo's depressed cousin

This article will tell you how to be emo without being labelled as a poser. Recent studies have shown that about 99.99% of so-called emo people are nothing but poser n00bs and attention whores with bad hair. So, read on if you really wanna be emo and revel in the awesomeness.

Music

yep, that's what I'm talking about

This is absolutely necessary to leave poser-dom and to enter actual emo-ness. If you don' know what a guitar pick is, the I suggest you go and join those twi-hard losers and soon over Edward Cullen the fairy. OK so you can't play a guitar if your life depended on it. write poetry that's what emo people do 'to express their inner angst'. Choose the most obscure bands you can think of (or can't think of), to increase credibility. No one would believe you if you only listen to My Chemical Romance. So catch up n00b.

Hair, make up clothes

...or their need to dress all in black

Emo music can only take you so far... oh what am I saying, it's not going to take you far at all (apart from providing topics for conversation with random emo people) unless you look the part. Got red hair? Please, that's so not emo, unless it's synthetic scarlet.

or bleached blonde

And when it comes to clothes, make sure that they are all ill fitting. What? that top fits you perfectly? oh starve yourself n00b!!! And of course you should always, always wear a bunch of bracelets and bangles (black, studded) to hide your wounds.(What? cutting yourself is mandatory... are you in or what? In? well then keep up!). And guys, you wanna be emo? borrow your little brother's jeans... those fit way too well. Your girlfriend's skinnies are also fine. (I'm surprised you have a girlfriend, considering you're supposed to be all jaded and tormented)

I iz Tormented

Saw that picture of Jenny Humphrey? yes, that should be your face from now on. Guy or girl, it's all about EYELINER. Don't worry if you're a klutz. The more smudged it is the better (like Jenny Humphrey's make up artist who thinks that the eyelid is at the bottom of the eyes). Creating hte perfect black-eye effect should be your goal. Oh, and don't forget the nail polish - black.


Emo mindset

sad... sad... sad

Ok, this is the serious part. Have you ever seen a smiling, laughing and joking emo? Of course you haven't. There's no point in dressing all in black with slashed wrists and chipped black fingernails unless you have some deep seated depression-related issue. And emos don't talk to people, they are very quiet and only express themselves through art (by themselves I mean their pain). So, keep that big mouth shut! And you have to believe that death, pain and blood solves everything. If your partner left you, cut your self and write poems in blood, if you can't fit in, cut your other wrist and bandage it... it's that simple.

I iz no poser n00bs

So I think we have everything straight. hair, make up, clothes, attitude... check!! Good! Now go and take a picture and upload it as your facebook profile. Now who's the poser????

STFU inner critic...! and GTFO inner sloth...!

I mean it!!!!

Ever heard of writer's block? Most of the time we complain about not being inspired. But the true problem may be anything from succumbing to your inner sloth or paying too much attention to the inner critic. Think of these two as the good angel sitting on your right shoulder and the devil sitting on your left and they each try and get you to do what they want. In the case of writer's block, the sloth is hanging on your left, trying to drag you down to bed and the inner critic whispers nasty things about your work in your right ear. 

Ignore them both and do whatever you want...

If you need to get good at what you do, you need to do what you can to shut both of these creeps up. For good. 

See, the inner sloth likes to point out enticing things like food, bed, internet LOL-cats, and other things that will distract and slow you down. 

The inner critic is not as nice and generous, this jerk tells you things like 'Dude, your writing sucks' or 'WTF dude, that's the best line you can come up with?' or 'you call this writing?... tee hee N00B!' or make you do crazy s**t like cutting off your ear (like that Van Gogh fellow). 

'cut off important body part' it said...

What can you do to shut these morons up? Well, you could start by taking a break. You honestly can't create anything when that critic-creep makes criticizing comments about whatever crap you do, you might as well get out of earshot. But don't take a break for too long because then the sloth is going to think that you are in need of sleep or other pointless recreational activity (he just doesn't get the limit, that one).  Take a well earned break and then come back stronger and tell the both of them to go fluff themselves and start writing. 

OYES U DID!

Sometimes that just might not be enough. The critic n the sloth bay both be shut up effectively but, what if you really aren't inspired? (That would be a bummer, weren't you gonna write the next 'Twilight'?...tee hee!'  Hey, I thought I told you to STFU!) 

Without sparkles...

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, lack of inspiration, that could only be cured in time or by drastic change. You could take a vacation and recharge those writer cells and come home with a masterpiece outlined. Or you get out, out of your neighbourhood and move to zombieland... I mean somewhere else, with new things to look at.. oh heck, pack up and go to zombieland (you could write the next......wait, I think that's new!) 

sound's catchy...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that we don't have to lose to these two creeps. Ignore them and keep doing what you feel is right. I'm sure that J.K. Rowling didn't have a little voice in her head saying 'Srsly?' each time she came up with something out of this world. The woman's richer than the queen because she knew how to say STFU to the inner critic and keep writing. I suggest the rest of you do the same!!!

What Albus Severus Potter wants to say...

God mum and dad, what were you smoking when you decided to name me after a fossilized, gay school principal and a stalker creep with a lame haircut? I know you are all about being noble and showing your gratitude but seriously, couldn't you have taken the first letter of their names and build something cool like, like... i don't know 'Scorpius' for instance? Okay, bad example. That name sucks too (but less than mine cause Malfoy makes fun of me while I keep my mouth shut, I seem to have inherited that from you guys while I haven't inherited any of that 'wit' which is highly useful in Hogwarts).

But come on guys, why couldn't you have built a memorial or written a book or something instead of letting me deal with all the gay jokes.
I'm sure that those two are having a great laugh from whatever after life they ended up in.

Gee, thanks mum and dad couldn't have asked for anything better.....(I have been blessed with sarcasm though) 

Parodies...

Either you love 'em or you hate 'em.  It all depends on whether you are a good sport (That means we can count out all those Twilight fans). To me, It doesn't matter whether I like the original or not. I always love the parody version. Just recently I watched a bunch of these finger puppet parodies of Gossip Girl and had a good laugh. I love Gossip Girl but these parodies totally brought out the TVshow-ness in them.

Southpark has got to be the most experienced parody maker of all time.. So far they've parodied Inception, Jersey Shore, Twilight (Sorry fans), High School Musical, World of Warcraft, Pokemon and even Wallmart and Scientology. I would love to see if they come up with a parody for Black Swan or American Idol, that would be so cool.

Shopping hauls on youtube are actually pretty awesome because you can find out about new products and fashion trends. But that doesn't mean I don't love the parodies. Check this out,

Note : If you don't know what shopping hauls are, I advice you to check one out before you watch the parody version.

So, I guess that's all for Blogging hour today,
I'll see u upper-eastsiders in a lil' while,
XOXO
Parody of Gossip Girl

P.S. - Maybe I should do an entire post on the apparent deterioration of the Gossip Girl storyline (the fashion's still awesome)... just a thought

Letter to Stephanie Meyer.... from a vampire

Dear Stephanie Meyer,
First of all I would like to thank you for bringing all this fabulous attention to my kind. Until you wrote Twilight other vampires and I were feared creatures of the night that either brought certain death or an eternal life of damnation. It’s so much better for us now; I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of young teenage girls who throw themselves at us with hopes of becoming a sexy vampire.
But I must say, it wasn’t so much fun when these same teenage girls begged me to stand in broad daylight to “reveal my true form”. These dumb girls were somehow under the impression that vampires glitter in daylight. One of my dumb friends decided to test out this theory and well, he died (I keep a vial of his ashes with me to show all my other less intelligent friends what happens when real vampires are exposed to daylight.) and those girls thought we were “gross and totally fake” and “Edward Cullen’s skin shines like diamonds in the sunlight”. I have no idea who that guy is but I must ask you where the hell this stupid idea ever came to you from. I mentioned this to a fairy friend at a bar and she got pretty offended and yelled at me for hogging all the attention without giving them the proper credit they deserved. So thanks a lot Stephanie Meyer, now I have neon pink hair and my friends tell me I’m gayer than Edward Cullen.

he looks like this I believe...

I look something like this (with neon pink hair now, thanks to you)

Also, I must say that these girls say that I’m supposed to be the perfect gentleman because I’m a vampire and that Edward Cullen guy is the “most perfect man ever”. I don’t get these chicks, they want us to glitter, they want us to stalk them and give them piggy-back rides through the forests where I’m supposed to live in because apparently, vampires now don’t drink human blood. What the hell? We can’t digest anything other than human blood and must feed when we feel weak and start showing our true age (I’m nearing two hundred by the way). So it’s human blood or the inside of an urn for us.
Anyway, It’s no use blaming you, it’s this Edward Cullen guy I’m annoyed at I heard he reads minds too. I read this blog and it said that this Twilight thing is based on a dream that you had. I’d like to know which of my idiot friends decided to visit a fat chick’s dream and cause disgrace to our entire species. I’ll be definitely taking him to the fairies for inspiring your crappy novel in the first place. No, I’m not leading them to get you because I like you or anything; I’m just worried about what you might write about if you somehow survive the fairy attack.
Taking back the thanks that I gave you at the beginning of the letter,
Sincerely,
Count Dracula X1